Roll

Sometimes in life, you have no idea what the fuck you want out of it. Especially for someone with Bipolar Disorder. One minute, you're fine and dandy, and the next, it's all out the window and on to the next thing. When they explain that to you in the psyc office, you look at them like THEY are crazy, and then you evaluate yourself and it all make perfect sense, really. But sometimes, when you fuck up and go on to the next thing, and are focused on that, you realize that you completely fucked someome over, but it's already too late to go back and change it, or maybe too late to let go on what you already started. Either way, it messes with you, and that's what we're supposed to focus on, right? I hope so, because I can't handle all of the ups and downs, lefts, and rights. I'm nauseous, and just want to settle down.

My Day & Thoughts

So, today was the first day of school where I live. Everyone was freaking out, and here's me, at Burger King, working. I called this morning to get my GED figured out, I go in later this week to talk to someone about that. In a way, I regret not staying in school. But, I do know that I probably would've regretted that too in the long run. I just miss people, but I hate them all in the same.

I figured out what I want to do with the rest of my life yesterday. I decided to go and study towards my GED, take my GED test, pass my test, and go to hair school hopefully in the spring.

In all honesty, I'm really starting to get pissed off that my ex is trying to get with all of my friends, and ex-friends. I honestly hate him, but it still bugs me for some reason. It makes me sick.

I go to the doctor tomorrow for my headaches, thank God. I'm so done with these. They are terrible, and I'm surely going to die.

I miss my Great Grandma Pete, her funeral was last Wednesday. There's been a huge family feud over her death, and it's sucky.

On a high note though, my baby got me flowers for our two month anniversary, they are absolutely lovely.

But, I think that's all for now.

xoxo

HaileyHyphen

Take My Hand

Your presence brings my happiness,
your absence anxiety.

This love is something indescribable,
got me believing in higher deities.

We're on top of this world,
you and I, supremacy.

We've got 99 problems,
yet look at the world exponentially.

We look at the world,
taking our paths tremendously.

Take my hand,
and let's walk this world, relentlessly.

12 Years

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine; You make me happy, when skies are gray; I've never told you, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away...." --Grandpa
__________________________________

"You are my sunshine"

Today it has been twelve years, Grandpa. You died twelve years ago. And I really think that God made a mistake. I know that you're not supposed to think that God makes mistakes, but I can't imagine why he would take you away from me. You were nothing short of a best friend, everything a granddaughter could ask for. My Sunshine. But, he took you away.

"My only sunshine"


You meant so much to everyone, Grandpa. You brought so much happiness to the four and a half short years we spent together. Surprisingly to everyone, I remember so much, so well.

"You make me happy, when skies are gray"


Do your remember watching the late night storms? The spring and summer nights with the fan going, the window open, and having a lemon pudding snack? Pushing me on the swing outside, and losing money in the grass (You and Grandma told me the ground ate it.)? Or the one time you took me to Dairy Queen so early one day, we had to wait for them to open? I remember you playing 'You are my Sunshine' to me on a guitar I like to call Vern. I remember so much Grandpa. I wish you were here to see me get married, see me in a prom dress, and watch me grow up. But there was a terrible mistake...

"I never told you, how much I love you"


There's so much you didn't get to see, and won't get to watch by my side. But I know you're watching from above. I never got to tell you how much I love you. The process just started in church on a Sunday. You never came back into the church with Grandma and I. Something was wrong, so we came to see what the matter was. Who knew it would be so life changing. It was that day, that you started to leave me. That day, that God had a mix up. I never got to tell you, how much I love you. Please know that I love you so, very much.

"Please don't take my sunshine away"


But, God did. He took you away. I know that you're in a better place, looking down, and watching over me. But I would give anything to have you by my side. I often wonder how life would be different if you were here. And I blame a lot of my issues on your passing. I don't think you would really want to know what's happening now. Everything is so different. Grandma has moved away, the house is completely different. It was so painful to watch everything transform. Especially the second time when Grandma moved. I resent Grandma for having moved away, even though everyone tells me not to. But she was holding me to you, my perfect memories, perfect times, and I long so much to go back to the way things were. I miss you uncontrollably. It's awful sometimes. I think I might have even gone slightly insane, I tell a lampshade with your picture on it that I love you. I wear your shirt religiously, and looking at Vern makes me wish you were here to teach me to play; I'm not sure I will ever accept the fact that you're not.

Please remember me, and stay with me Grandpa,

I love you,

Tookie 2

12 Years

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine; You make me happy, when skies are gray; I've never told you, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away...." --Grandpa
__________________________________

"You are my sunshine"

Today it has been twelve years, Grandpa. You died twelve years ago. And I really think that God made a mistake. I know that you're not supposed to think that God makes mistakes, but I can't imagine why he would take you away from me. You were nothing short of a best friend, everything a granddaughter could ask for. My Sunshine. But, he took you away.

"My only sunshine"


You meant so much to everyone, Grandpa. You brought so much happiness to the four and a half short years we spent together. Surprisingly to everyone, I remember so much, so well.

"You make me happy, when skies are gray"


Do your remember watching the late night storms? The spring and summer nights with the fan going, the window open, and having a lemon pudding snack? Pushing me on the swing outside, and losing money in the grass (You and Grandma told me the ground ate it.)? Or the one time you took me to Dairy Queen so early one day, we had to wait for them to open? I remember you playing 'You are my Sunshine' to me on a guitar I like to call Vern. I remember so much Grandpa. I wish you were here to see me get married, see me in a prom dress, and watch me grow up. But there was a terrible mistake...

"I never told you, how much I love you"


There's so much you didn't get to see, and won't get to watch by my side. But I know you're watching from above. I never got to tell you how much I love you. The process just started in church on a Sunday. You never came back into the church with Grandma and I. Something was wrong, so we came to see what the matter was. Who knew it would be so life changing. It was that day, that you started to leave me. That day, that God had a mix up. I never got to tell you, how much I love you. Please know that I love you so, very much.

"Please don't take my sunshine away"


But, God did. He took you away. I know that you're in a better place, looking down, and watching over me. But I would give anything to have you by my side. I often wonder how life would be different if you were here. And I blame a lot of my issues on your passing. I don't think you would really want to know what's happening now. Everything is so different. Grandma has moved away, the house is completely different. It was so painful to watch everything transform. Especially the second time when Grandma moved. I resent Grandma for having moved away, even though everyone tells me not to. But she was holding me to you, my perfect memories, perfect times, and I long so much to go back to the way things were. I miss you uncontrollably. It's awful sometimes. I think I might have even gone slightly insane, I tell a lampshade with your picture on it that I love you. I wear your shirt religiously, and looking at Vern makes me wish you were here to teach me to play; I'm not sure I will ever accept the fact that you're not.

Please remember me, and stay with me Grandpa,

I love you,

Tookie 2

Life in General

So, it's been awhile since I've posted. Especially an actual blog and not a poem or anything special... It's February 2012 now, the world is going to end soon... JUST KIDDING. (: So lately, I've been focusing on goals and what I want to do with my life. I've been going to church, Catholic church. I've been going to a group for youth at the church on Wednesday nights, and attending the traditional Sunday mass. In this, I guess you could say that I 'found God.' But really I would actually like to thank Sue K. for that. I used to go to faith classes with this girl, and Sue is her mother.. to make a long story short; Sue ran into me at the grocery store and we talked about the common, church. Anyway, Sure really convinced me to get on the right track and get back in gear with God. And even though I disagree with something in the church, it's nice to be back and in touch with the church. (:

Aside from church, it's February, Grandpa will be gone for 12 years on the 28th this month. I've really started to miss him lately. I think I spend too much time thinking about what it would be like it he were here and how things would have been different. Maybe the family would still be intact? I resent the fact that everything has sort of fallen apart over the years. But maybe that's the difference of being sixteen instead of four, you grow to know that the world is a bitch. All in all, it's really hard to just accept the fact that he's gone, even after all of this time.

I look forward to setting my goals though. This is something else that has faded in along with my church kick. I would really love to get in shape and lose weight for the summer, have a hot bikini bod. (;  Generally, I am looking at changing how I live, being a better person and working at a decently fulfilled teen-hood.

Mom and I are starting a daycare here really soon, I assume the role of assistant. This will be really fun to work with babies and little kids, I'm pretty excited. It also has a pretty big financial aspect too, so I will be freakin' excited to get to by myself some nice things, save up for college, and I'd also like to do something with the community as I've also really noticed a lot wrong with it lately as well.

Sometimes, I think I'm too optimistic for my own good.

Aside from everything else in the world, Tucker and I have been together two and a half years in January! It seems so long when you think about it.. but sometimes it seems way longer! Yay us! We're doing awesomely well lately. (: We'r awfully cute. And I'm pretty convinced he's the one. Which is fine by me. ♥ --(I took him to lunch at HuHot the other day, YUM!)

I think that sums up my writing urge this morning, here's to keeping in touch more,

--H

5 Things I Find Utterly Ghetto

1. Text talk. - I think that it makes you seem terribly stupid. I think it annoys me most when people use 'yhu' for 'you.' Like, seriously? It takes the same amount of effort.
2. When people have any and every government help service available and yet still have the iPhone with unlimited data. - I really just can't stand when you see people in Wal-Mart that have kids that are inappropriately dressed for the weather, the kids don't have decent looking hair, etc. And for the parents who can't dress and look decent, yell at the kids halfway across the store, pay in Foodstamps... and just when you're walking out... BAM, an iPhone comes out! Wait.. really? I think I could rant about that one forever.
3. Ghetto drama talk. - You know, when some dumb ass from the hood gets pissed off and start saying she ain't got no beef wit cha. Or starts rudely going off whilst talking to her friends and you can hear her on the opposite end of the room. Honey, shut the hell up.
4. No kid containing. - So, this one kind of goes with number two... but you know when people from the grocery store, Wal-Mart, etc. scream at their kids that are a mile ahead of them running and touching everything in sight. It's called parental control, and self respect.
5. Toys all down the block. - So, you know when you're driving down the road and you see one little kid's toys all up and down the block. Or, maybe you live on the block and they've been sitting there for the whole week and you're about ready to take them up there and shove 'em somewhere they don't belong. Yeah, I know.

*Side Note- Before I start an ass load of unnecessary drama, let me start by saying that yes, I have had a few of these things happen in my life. No, I am not saying I am Paris Hilton and the highest on the chain. Just some opinions. Get over it. I hope you enjoyed and they made you laugh.

Somedays...

Somedays, I wonder how my life has changed so much in the recent couple of years. I just don't understand how it could have evolved into this, what it is now. It's not possible to think where I was then and where I am now have any correlation whatsoever to each others. I've dropped so many bolts and nuts (haha, I dropped my nuts) along the way, picked up a few passengers, and let a few off this bus, aka, life. There's so much wear in the engine, a lot of damage to the computer, and sometimes I wonder about the gas in the tank..

Life is a lot like a car ride though, or so I've realized. There's so much to do, so much to see, so many to meet. One day, you're in the city, watching what society has come to, and the next you're in the farmland, wondering how the city came to be. I like looking out in the farmland, at the tall grass when in the vanishing point, and wondering what my life will be like in another two or so years. Wondering where the road will take me, who I'll be sharing seats with, and if I'll be taking back roads and allies or the highways and interstates.

It seems you never may know which way to turn, the speed to maintain, or the direction you are going, but one day. You'll get there. You'll look back at the ride, regret, rethink, remorse, reminisce, but most importantly, you'll remember, and that's the best part. <3

Tanworld Affairs

"I would have blogged that shit lol" -M

So, it's like 9 o'clock on a Monday night.. I'm just doing the usual, I'm with my dad, we just dropped my younger sister off at her mom's, and we decide to go tanning. So, we drive speedily to the nearest Tanworld to get some 'sun' and soak up some rays, ya know?

So, we walk in to Tanworld, do the normal 15 minutes on a level 2 bed. (On a side note, the tanning tenant had really cute hair!) And I'm in the tanning bed, absorbing my cancer minute by minute, probably getting blinder too, just listening to music until my time was up.

Interesting night, right?

Ha! But no, it's not until I was FINISHED TANNING that my night really got that much more fan-fucking-tastic.. I simply put my clothes on, walk out, compliment the lady on her hair.. and leave.. not thinking about the fact that my dad was not yet finished tanning and had the keys inside..

And boy, oh boy.. Am I glad I didn't? You bet your ass I am! (:

What might you ask I walked out on? Rainbows? Ponies? Chip -n- Dales? Nah, unfortunately, I'm not THAT  lucky.. However, it was a little steamy for the people involved..

So, here's me, casually strolling out of Tanworld to two people making out, PROFUSELY. I was like.. okay? I figured they would stop, so I trot on over to the car, pop a squat on the hood, and take a glance.. to find what? Had it subsided? For the love of my fifteen year old eyes? Absolutely, not! They are STILL just sucking face like a vacuum cleaner. Did I mention they were probs like 30 something?! Just acting casual about the encounter.. Uhm, hello? Get a room! I have more class than that!

Alright, alright, alright.. So, a couple minutes had yet again passed by.. time for my bi-minute-ual check.. I just  turn my head to about a ninety degree angle to see yet again, the making out in a profuse manner. C'mon people.. fuck already why don't you?

So, I think that they had finally subsided long enough to hug and dance at the same time.. and just WHAT do they think this is? The prom?

This is sort of a multi-orgasm story for me.. so be prepared..

Finally, but maybe the highlight of my night, (and the downfall to one or two other fellow humans) was to tune in just at the right moment to hear the male of the affair say that he'd be sleeping on the couch tonight!! EXCUSE ME? Call me wrong, but did I just witness cheating? Am I ever so slightly related to aiding in home-wrecking? Ah, fuck my life. That's the juciest piece of information ever instilled into my mind.. I might just have to blog about that one.. (;

So, after the lovely, steamy, relationship infringement..  they get into separate cars, and drive off in separate ways! And then! Here comes my father just ever so casually strolling out of Tanworld.. I was delighted to share the wonderful, intriguing story with him. As I am with whomever reading this. (: Life from here on to the time I passed out on my bed was pretty delightful. And I am glad I witnessed such things. 

Love,

Your Home-Wrecking Aid <3

Isn't It Ironic?

I think it's all a bit strange, how something so life-shattering can happen to some people, but to others, the world keeps spinning on in an orderly fashion. Someone could die, affecting a whole small town, city, state. But on the other side of the world, they wake up and have their morning coffee just the same as yesterday. You never what could happen to you, or who's going to care if something actually does. You're just wasting away, living life, in the now, your now. You still wake up, go to bed, eat, sleep, drink, just like before.

Just

Like

Before.

Isn't it ironic how we're all in this huge rush to change the world; and yet no one can go as far as to recycle a bottle, or volunteer ten minutes out of their busy day? Everyone is worried about children around the world starving, but yet we waste an astounding amount out of our daily meals we are lucky enough to have? We're worried about the kittens and puppies in a shelter when there's an old hound sitting in a kennel waiting for enough company just to die. What kind of people does this make us?

Who

Are

We?

But no, you're different I suppose. You're you, you're a perfect saint, right? Keep thinking that and see if our world changes. There's always something more to be done.

Always

More

To Be

Done.

The truth in the matter here, is that the world is not going to change. People are too caught up in the world of today. Your now is yours, and you don't really care about anyone else's. But, let's make a change.

Let's

Make

A 

Change.

Small actions, make a big change. Take the extra steps to recycle, volunteer the few minutes, donate a few dollars for food, say a prayer, bless someone when they sneeze, go for the cat, not the kitten. And most importantly...

Pay

It

Forward.

NOTE: It's a great movie, watch it.

-Hailey

Everything That I Wanted

Somehow, it's you.

Everything I've ever really wanted compiled into on human body.

It's amazing, it really is.

That everything I could have ever asked for, everything, I've ever dreamed, everything of of fantasy, could be...

You.

*

Am I to you what you are to me?

Do I keep you awake for hours on end because of one thing the you simply said.

Do you drop to an immediate slumber when my lips leave yours from a good night kiss?

Am I everything you want and need, in a body for your taste, your ever longing fantasy...

Me?

*

Is it what we think this is?

This love.

*

This hope.

*

This trust.

*

This faith.

*

All into one.

*

Our fantasy.

*

Our desire.

*

Our game.

*

Our plan.

*

Our movie.

*

Our script.

*

Our story.

*

Our book.

*

*

*

*

*

Us.

I Wanna Lay Like This Forever, Until the Sky Falls Down on Me

It's completely ironic that I can be so in love with someone, but push him away when I should want and need him the most. In case you've been reading this long enough to know about my boyfriend and I.. Not that many of you read this anyway. You know the story. But for those of you who don't.. Tucker and I will be celebrating our two year anniversary in two days. <3

I can't quite explain the feeling of what I get when I am with him. Let's say, it's like the thrill of a roller coaster, combined with the love, emotion, and devotion of the chickiest chick flick you're ever seen.. times a million. He's gentle and sweet like a butterfly, but then has this total bad ass attitude that I'm in complete adoration with.

He's willing to work with my worst fears, my insecurities, my crazies, my complicated outbreaks, me. And I just don't wrap my hard head around that sometimes. I run instead.

But, no matter what, I'll always love him. There's always a piece of me that he'll have, and I'll always think of his crazy little quirks. His smile on his face, will always trigger one on mine..

T-

I love you, forever.

-H

Confessions of myself.

Confession number one: I have an obsession with my Grandpa, who passed away when I was five. He was my best friend, you could say that my thinking is silly, or that I don't remember.. However, I'll only prove you wrong. You can see this by looking at my tattoo. We used to watch Land Before Time movies all the time.. which brings me to my next tattoo idea.


Confession number two: I like older men.. Call me what you want, but it's how I am. Tucker is only three years my senior, but there's a world of maturity difference between him and guys my age.. Sometimes. (:


Confession number three: My mum and I argue a lot, but truthfully, I don't know what I would do without her. What tears you apart in someways, only brings you closer in others.


Confession number four: My Gram and I were attached at the hip once, but now I feel we're worlds away. No matter what her crazy habits and such are, I love her for them because that's what makes her, her. I'm still really lost without her, since she moved away.. But, whatever makes her happy. Although, sometimes, I don't really think she's any happier or better off.


Confession number five: I love to write. I started keeping a blog, even though I haven't posted in a while, I love having my feelings down and in writing for everyone to read and relate. I'd like to be a songwriter or something, but I'm not very musical. I love Regina Spektor's songs, 'Braille', and also 'Buildings'. I wish I could play piano.


Confession number six: I'm a very emotional person.. I think it helps me in my writing. I have my highs and lows. I am an unsteady person; and like Marilyn Monroe once said, "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Learn to live by this, and your life will be a lot easier.


Confession number seven: I'm not the skinniest girl you'll ever meet. And quite honestly, it doesn't really bother me. It's the numbers that bother me, not the size. I think girls look disgusting when they are extremely thin. Everyone likes a Snooki, right?


Confession number eight: I'm obsessed with growing up, and being mature, but not getting older. I'd love to graduate high school in a year from now and go on to college right away. I'm in a hurry to be someone and do something, when the truth is, I don't really know what's waiting.

Promises

Old cuts ignite new beginnings,

maybe this will keep me from sinning.

Look to the left, then to the right,

it seems anything good is out of sight.

I'll start with this, and end with that,

and then won't remember where I'm at.

Everything's fading,

my heart is jading.

And suddenly I'm all alone,

lulling in this senseless monotone.

The pain is gone now,

Here goes another pointless vow,

and some more people wondering how.

Here I go, to try again,

only now,

it's a matter of when.

-HaileyHyphen

Just an FYI, to anyone who reads this.. all like three of you.. I really just like to write. I'm not crazily depressed or anything. <3

In my heart, you're remembered still.

Thunderstorms.

Since you're gone, something else is here to guide me.

I have the thunderstorms.

The thunder is your voice, deep and mostly gentle,

except for the occasional scolding,

from which I am growing and molding.

The lightning lights my way and shows what's right from wrong,
and produces a beautiful, thunderous song.

Once upon a time,
we stood in the rain together,
and watch all of this in company,
but now you send them to my triumphantly.

And now the rain that are the tears,
from the birth of my greatest fears.
But not only that of the of the rain, my dear,
I can  run and look and to you, I peer.
It's your face that the clouds mirror.

Now and again I drown myself in you,
and remember the years,
though a few,
you blessed me with you.

Remembered is your name,
that holds great fame,
hopefully mine means the same.

Rest in peace,
do good will,
in my heart,
you're remembered still.

-Love you DLE,
Hailey-Lynn Elyea <3

Summer Mornings

Remember all those mornings? Remember all the mornings you made me eggs and toast, or cream of wheat? A nice hot breakfast was always on  the table for me. You were buzzing around making sure everyone was ready, and still managed to catch the morning news. You woke up for me every day, you woke up with me, but you didn't have to, I was plenty old enough to take care of myself. But you did. I think though, it's the summer mornings I miss the most, when I didn't have to run and rush off to school. I really miss the summer mornings, where I would wake up and hear things banging around in the kitchen, I had my flannel  blanket, and I woke up to the windows open and the birds singing. I would stumble out of bed, to the kitchen. You'd yell 'Good morning!" the same when you  did when I had been 5 years old. And we would go on the back deck and enjoy some coffee or tea, and have the greatest morning conversations..

But, that's all different now. I'm sitting lone ranger on the back deck.

And you're not here to visit with me. And I guess that's okay. I've grown too old for tea time anyway.

It's all the same.

High School

Where you walk through the door and don’t know who you’re going to meet,

You walk through the door with your backpack and your feet.

The secret is what everyone is doing,

And you wonder where everyone’s going.

So what’s going on with everyone?

She’s smoking pot,

He’s in the gang,

Did they break up again?

She’s prom queen,

And he’s captain of the football team.

They’re having a baby,

And no one knows what the true story is.

No one knows what home life is like.

All we can do is assume.

Everyone fails to realize one thing,

They all need each other, like a family.

The Stoner secretly looks forward to the Preppy girl’s ‘Hello.’,

And the Preppy girl needs the Brain to succeed.

The Jock looks forward to the Chess Geek’s effort at being strong.

Walk through the halls,

Everyone’s in the daze,

Hoping the drinking, the cutting, the sex, and the drugs,

Will all take care of the awful haze.

Secretly, they all fit together, like a puzzle.

They need each other to proceed.

They realize not everyone is the book they once did read,

They have one another to fulfill the need.

-Hailey-Lynn Elyea

To the Fullest.

Live life to the fullest. 

Don't think twice about the little things. 

Don't throw your feelings into doubt. 

If you're in love, let it sprout. 

Sing for the moment,

not the past,

if something's surreal,

let it last.

Keep the bandages on old wounds,

or peel them off and let it heal.

Whatever you choose,

make sure you feel.

Life's an adventure,

live it long,

sometimes it's a beautiful song.

Summer nights are a wondrous sight,

so hold on,

with all your might.

Love is a flame,

not a game,

do not go for it to attract fame.

Trust me, you'll love it when he whispers your name.

You're gonna go far,

don't hide your scars,

You're gonna go far,

aim for the stars.

-HaileyLynn Elyea.

Everything.

It's late, I'm not tired, and it's going to be one of those nights.

I currently have an upset stomach. And it's disgusting.

I had one of the most amazing times of my life these past few days. Tucker gives the beat to my heart. (:

We've been together since Wednesday. His graduation party was yesterday, the ceremony was today, I helped his mother on Friday. Ugh, busy weekend. But, so worth it. I loved spending so much time with him, and being around him all the time. I loved him being there to cuddle up with. I think what made my day the most is the fact that he always came to give me a good night kiss and came to tuck me in, even if he wasn't going to bed. Goes to show how much he cares. He has the biggest heart. <3

I can't believe that he has now graduated. Time flew by so fast on us.

One of the best things, is that his family was there a lot this weekend. I really like his family, and I believe they like me as well. His gram is one of the funniest people ever. She LOVES to give me shit. His aunt is really nice and always chats with me. And I am finally starting to think his mom likes me. I think she has for the time that we have been dating, but I just get paranoid about it. She probably thinks I am an airhead though. Haha. Ah, I like her anyway.

But, being with his family made me realize how much I missed and needed mine. I missed MY mother. My mother and I are close in some sort of weird way.. we don't hit the malls and spend hundreds of dollars on Saturdays or anything. But we do like to watch TV and hit up the thrift stores once in awhile. She's an amazing person. I shouldn't treat her like I do sometimes. I love her.

I have also realized the I am in a hurry to grow up. But, at the same time, the more grown up I get, the more I want to be little. I think I have a fear of dying, a severe fear of dying. Maybe that's why I want to rush life. Maybe not. I'm not quite sure what's up there, if anything. I hope something is there though.

I was watching Dr. Phil earlier and it was about these girls who beat and tortured a 12 year old girl, and later set her on fire and let her burn to death. Oh my god. I could not imagine. I would not want to die like that. But then again, who would? I'm so afraid of dying tragically.

The world can be so happy, but yet so sad.

I think I have learned to cherish the good and forget the bad. In which all people should.

Summer is here. I'm not sure I want it to be. But, I guess I should accept it.

Tucker will be picking up more hours. I'm really scared for that. I don't want him to grow up on me. I'm afraid that he's going to up and leave for something or someone better. I think I would probably die. So, I hold on to every second. He's so amazing to me, I want to hold all those moments forever. They're the most important.

So for now, I'll hold tight. And I'll never let go.

Jealousy Kills

I trust you but not her.

Mostly because I am one of her, I know how we operate.

And if she can't keep herself contained, two can play at this game. ;)

It's only fair.

You're mine. I love you. And you love me. But I swear to god it tore me apart to see that.

Fuck her. She's just a piece of trash anyway. And she's practically a home wrecking little slut.

Quite frankly, I wish lightning to strike her.

-Hailey