12 Years

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine; You make me happy, when skies are gray; I've never told you, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away...." --Grandpa
__________________________________

"You are my sunshine"

Today it has been twelve years, Grandpa. You died twelve years ago. And I really think that God made a mistake. I know that you're not supposed to think that God makes mistakes, but I can't imagine why he would take you away from me. You were nothing short of a best friend, everything a granddaughter could ask for. My Sunshine. But, he took you away.

"My only sunshine"


You meant so much to everyone, Grandpa. You brought so much happiness to the four and a half short years we spent together. Surprisingly to everyone, I remember so much, so well.

"You make me happy, when skies are gray"


Do your remember watching the late night storms? The spring and summer nights with the fan going, the window open, and having a lemon pudding snack? Pushing me on the swing outside, and losing money in the grass (You and Grandma told me the ground ate it.)? Or the one time you took me to Dairy Queen so early one day, we had to wait for them to open? I remember you playing 'You are my Sunshine' to me on a guitar I like to call Vern. I remember so much Grandpa. I wish you were here to see me get married, see me in a prom dress, and watch me grow up. But there was a terrible mistake...

"I never told you, how much I love you"


There's so much you didn't get to see, and won't get to watch by my side. But I know you're watching from above. I never got to tell you how much I love you. The process just started in church on a Sunday. You never came back into the church with Grandma and I. Something was wrong, so we came to see what the matter was. Who knew it would be so life changing. It was that day, that you started to leave me. That day, that God had a mix up. I never got to tell you, how much I love you. Please know that I love you so, very much.

"Please don't take my sunshine away"


But, God did. He took you away. I know that you're in a better place, looking down, and watching over me. But I would give anything to have you by my side. I often wonder how life would be different if you were here. And I blame a lot of my issues on your passing. I don't think you would really want to know what's happening now. Everything is so different. Grandma has moved away, the house is completely different. It was so painful to watch everything transform. Especially the second time when Grandma moved. I resent Grandma for having moved away, even though everyone tells me not to. But she was holding me to you, my perfect memories, perfect times, and I long so much to go back to the way things were. I miss you uncontrollably. It's awful sometimes. I think I might have even gone slightly insane, I tell a lampshade with your picture on it that I love you. I wear your shirt religiously, and looking at Vern makes me wish you were here to teach me to play; I'm not sure I will ever accept the fact that you're not.

Please remember me, and stay with me Grandpa,

I love you,

Tookie 2

12 Years

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine; You make me happy, when skies are gray; I've never told you, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away...." --Grandpa
__________________________________

"You are my sunshine"

Today it has been twelve years, Grandpa. You died twelve years ago. And I really think that God made a mistake. I know that you're not supposed to think that God makes mistakes, but I can't imagine why he would take you away from me. You were nothing short of a best friend, everything a granddaughter could ask for. My Sunshine. But, he took you away.

"My only sunshine"


You meant so much to everyone, Grandpa. You brought so much happiness to the four and a half short years we spent together. Surprisingly to everyone, I remember so much, so well.

"You make me happy, when skies are gray"


Do your remember watching the late night storms? The spring and summer nights with the fan going, the window open, and having a lemon pudding snack? Pushing me on the swing outside, and losing money in the grass (You and Grandma told me the ground ate it.)? Or the one time you took me to Dairy Queen so early one day, we had to wait for them to open? I remember you playing 'You are my Sunshine' to me on a guitar I like to call Vern. I remember so much Grandpa. I wish you were here to see me get married, see me in a prom dress, and watch me grow up. But there was a terrible mistake...

"I never told you, how much I love you"


There's so much you didn't get to see, and won't get to watch by my side. But I know you're watching from above. I never got to tell you how much I love you. The process just started in church on a Sunday. You never came back into the church with Grandma and I. Something was wrong, so we came to see what the matter was. Who knew it would be so life changing. It was that day, that you started to leave me. That day, that God had a mix up. I never got to tell you, how much I love you. Please know that I love you so, very much.

"Please don't take my sunshine away"


But, God did. He took you away. I know that you're in a better place, looking down, and watching over me. But I would give anything to have you by my side. I often wonder how life would be different if you were here. And I blame a lot of my issues on your passing. I don't think you would really want to know what's happening now. Everything is so different. Grandma has moved away, the house is completely different. It was so painful to watch everything transform. Especially the second time when Grandma moved. I resent Grandma for having moved away, even though everyone tells me not to. But she was holding me to you, my perfect memories, perfect times, and I long so much to go back to the way things were. I miss you uncontrollably. It's awful sometimes. I think I might have even gone slightly insane, I tell a lampshade with your picture on it that I love you. I wear your shirt religiously, and looking at Vern makes me wish you were here to teach me to play; I'm not sure I will ever accept the fact that you're not.

Please remember me, and stay with me Grandpa,

I love you,

Tookie 2

Life in General

So, it's been awhile since I've posted. Especially an actual blog and not a poem or anything special... It's February 2012 now, the world is going to end soon... JUST KIDDING. (: So lately, I've been focusing on goals and what I want to do with my life. I've been going to church, Catholic church. I've been going to a group for youth at the church on Wednesday nights, and attending the traditional Sunday mass. In this, I guess you could say that I 'found God.' But really I would actually like to thank Sue K. for that. I used to go to faith classes with this girl, and Sue is her mother.. to make a long story short; Sue ran into me at the grocery store and we talked about the common, church. Anyway, Sure really convinced me to get on the right track and get back in gear with God. And even though I disagree with something in the church, it's nice to be back and in touch with the church. (:

Aside from church, it's February, Grandpa will be gone for 12 years on the 28th this month. I've really started to miss him lately. I think I spend too much time thinking about what it would be like it he were here and how things would have been different. Maybe the family would still be intact? I resent the fact that everything has sort of fallen apart over the years. But maybe that's the difference of being sixteen instead of four, you grow to know that the world is a bitch. All in all, it's really hard to just accept the fact that he's gone, even after all of this time.

I look forward to setting my goals though. This is something else that has faded in along with my church kick. I would really love to get in shape and lose weight for the summer, have a hot bikini bod. (;  Generally, I am looking at changing how I live, being a better person and working at a decently fulfilled teen-hood.

Mom and I are starting a daycare here really soon, I assume the role of assistant. This will be really fun to work with babies and little kids, I'm pretty excited. It also has a pretty big financial aspect too, so I will be freakin' excited to get to by myself some nice things, save up for college, and I'd also like to do something with the community as I've also really noticed a lot wrong with it lately as well.

Sometimes, I think I'm too optimistic for my own good.

Aside from everything else in the world, Tucker and I have been together two and a half years in January! It seems so long when you think about it.. but sometimes it seems way longer! Yay us! We're doing awesomely well lately. (: We'r awfully cute. And I'm pretty convinced he's the one. Which is fine by me. ♥ --(I took him to lunch at HuHot the other day, YUM!)

I think that sums up my writing urge this morning, here's to keeping in touch more,

--H